Rock Bottom

There comes that point in life where you figure out the way you are doing things just ain't workin'. Something has to change. Sometimes it takes a drastic event to get you to that place. I don't know who coined the phrase 'hitting rock bottom'. But I guess that is where some people have to get to to see that life isn't working for them.

I first heard that oft used phrase when I was about 13 years old. I was in Ala-teen. My dad was an alcoholic. We were told the alcoholic would not stop drinking until he/she hit rock bottom. That every alcoholic had a different rock bottom so no one could tell me what my dad's would be. But this isn't about my dad and his drinking. I will save that for another day. This is about me and my rock bottom. Cause I think I have found it.

I am not going to rehash the past. I am done with that. I have made mistakes. Bad ones. I can try to justify my actions. But it doesn't make the situation any better. I did what I did. I am sorry. So very very sorry. And there are many people to whom that apology is extended.

The extent of my pain was so deep and the bottom so black and hopeless I wanted to die. It doesn't get much worse than that or much rockier. But here is the thing. I didn't die. I lived. At first I wasn't too sure I wanted to. But now I am. Because here is the thing.

My mistakes do not define who I am. And I can be who I want to be. Who I have always strived to be...not pretended to be. With alot of work and alot of effort I can learn to control the negative aspects of me and bring forward the positive. I can be better than I ever was. For me, for my kid, and for him (if he will let me).

There are those who are betting on me to fail. They are sure I will fall back into old patterns of behavior. I have news for you doubters, it is not going to happen. For I am stronger now than I have ever been. I am armed with more knowledge about myself than I have ever had. And knowledge we all know is power.

I won't fail. I promise...I won't fail.